Notes in the key of me – life, memoirs, survival, depression, thoughts, music

Here is my first post which tells you a bit about me:

Hi there. Welcome to my blog.

The last thing I have time for right now is writing a blog. But after pondering about it, over and over, I just couldn’t stop myself. So just to clarify this to myself, and just to be sure this is what I really want to do, here are several reasons (not excuses) as to why I want to write this blog…

1. To improve my writing skills

I have heard it time and time again. To improve your writing you must practice, practice, practice. I did some studies in creative writing at university and I am currently in my second year of journalism studies, and after several long discussions and in class debates the consensus seems to be that it takes both natural talent and hard work to be a ‘great writer’. I can’t much change the natural talent…you either have it or you don’t. But I sure can practice writing.

2. To share my story

I grew up in the eighties, and had an extremely adverse and traumatic childhood. For several complicated reasons, which I won’t go into now, circumstances led me to not see my mother for over twelve years of my life. My father and stepmother, were the people who raised me. But my stepmother was an extremely abusive, violent, and narcissitic woman. She was also a police officer – a high ranking one. Some of the stories I will share with you will probably shock you. And this really is a scary journey for me to embark on. Do I have reason to be afraid to tell the truth…in some ways no…but in other ways…when someone has made you extremely afraid your whole life it is extremely difficult to shake your fear of them. I haven’t seen my step-mother (now seperated from my father) for many many years, and even now I have nightmares about her. Does she have regret or remorse for what she did to me…I honestly doubt it. She has not contacted me, and I have not contacted her. A part of me has always been afraid to tell my story. I think a part of the fear is my own fear of confronting my pain. I don’t know. But either way…I know I need to tell this story, because it is an important one, and because maybe somehow, telling this story may help me recover from it.

3. For you to share your stories

If there is one thing I have learnt, it is that everyone has their own ‘cross to bear’ (as they say). It’s not easy sharing personal stories with complete strangers. But I guess I hope that maybe through sharing my stories, I may be able bring some hope to others …that you can survive even the most turbulant of times and even the deepest days of depression. Maybe too you will want to share your stories. I want this to be a place where you will comfortable and not judged.

4. A place for laughter

When I think back to my childhood, it is completely overloaded with pain and suffering, yet despite the hardship I still remember moments of joy and laughter. That’s the amazing thing about children, no matter what adversity they are faced with, they still do find moments where they can still be a child…to laugh, to play, to get up to mischief. I think too, laughter is great therapy, and looking back on my childhood I have often found myself in stitches, about some of the things I got up to. Sometimes the negativity and the horrible moments seems to outweigh the happy ones, so so I think that makes it even more important to remember the joyous moments and to cherish them.

5. To share my music

I turned 30 recently and while its not like I’m getting old, it definately triggered something within me. I guess I feel like I’ve been sitting in first gear for most of my life, and now I’m ready to go full throttle. Despite all the doubts, all the statistics weighing against me, I just have to pursue what I want to do in life. And what I want to do is write a book one day (an autobiography), and I also want to release an album. I have been writing music for about ten years now, and have enough material now to make three albums. So I really want to share my musical ideas with you. Share the songs I write, tell you why I write them. And hopefully one day, I will be able to make this album.

So I think that does it. I have finally convinced myself that writing this blog is the right thing to do.